Patience and Prayer

Today is one of those days where I'm stuck in a holding pattern. There is nothing I can do about the situation outside of prayer, and a huge helping of patience.

Yesterday, we had my father-in-law take a look at our inspection report for the new house. He saw some glaring red flags, which we agree are problems that need to be taken care of before we take possession of the house. So, today, after speaking with our realtor, who also agrees that these things are an issue, we are waiting to re-open negotiations.

I have struggled with patience throughout this home-buying process. We're sitting on an apartment lease that expires in the beginning of September, and with no intention to renew, we need a house. My husband's wonderful and kind sister and her husband have offered us their basement (which is a full living space) until we have a place to live, so that we're not living month-to-month on a very expensive lease. We are incredibly thankful for them, and for a place to go if we don't have a house come September. That said, patience is still an eternal struggle for me, as is not being overly disappointed (if the seller backs out, or we end up needing to) before we have all the information after negotiating on this property.

So, today, when I am struggling with releasing all of this to God's will, and wishing I had more control, it was very fitting for Saint Gianna Molla to appear in my Instagram feed. If you don't already know much about Saint Gianna, don't feel bad, I too had to look her up, and I found an excellent blog post about her from The Catholic Apostolate Center. She was, and is, an excellent reminder today that my constant self-reminder of "Whatever is God's will is the right thing" should not be a dejected or apathetic statement. Instead, like Saint Gianna, "Whatever God wants" needs to be part of a joyful acceptance of His work in the life of my family. Her simple prayer too: "Lord, you see my desire and my good will. Supply what is lacking and help me to become the wife and mother you desire," is a simple but poignant reminder that I need His help, not just my own bluster. This reminder is similar to one I already keep pinned up near my bedside from my patron Saint Teresa of Avila: "Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing alarm you. While all things are passing; God is unchanging. Be patient and you will gain everything. With God in your heart nothing is lacking. God alone suffices..." I think I'll print Saint Gianna's prayer and put it next to the worn bookmark that bears Saint Teresa's quote, to remind me, on days like today when I wake up struggling, that I'm not alone in carrying my burdens.

The reminder is all well and good, but as I've learned several times recently, accepting God's will is a whole lot harder than asking for it. I'll be perfectly honest, it's probably one of the hardest parts of prayer for me: acceptance of God's answer.

With time and prayer, and lots of hard work, I hope to better this impatient part of me that wants to change the answer I'm given.

Until then I've just got to keep praying.

Blessings,

MJ